Just around recent times, I’ve been watching some Blues Clues to track down some of my forgotten childhood memories. That or insomnia hit me and I’ve spent my night watching kids shows, being the sorta guy who goes through some deadpan snarking on how slow the responses are in Dora or some other show. But Blues Clues man, that’s the stuff that’s great. I remember a time at a young age where I would watch some Blues Clues when I’m all alone eating up some Cap’n Crunch with chocolate milk. Oh those nostalgic moments. Must’ve been eight back then when I watched that stuff and now its ten years. Now what do I have in store for this crazy theory?
First I want you to find some time to kill. I want you to be bored for once and watch Blues Clues. This is only if your over sixteen and know enough logic to think that anything was insanely done by drugs. Watch Blues Clues. Either it’s the old one with Steve or the new one with Joe, just watch it for once.
Now you may not know where I’m going with this so I’ll just set it straight for you: Steve is actually clinically insane. There is no Blue, there is no talking mailbox, there is no Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper, and there is no such thing as Blues Clues. Steve is just going through a phase of insanity, inside a white padded room and running around the place with a straight jacket on. The thing is that the recorded episodes of Blues Clues are actually recorded off of a security camera placed right in front of Steve, attached to a wall being the “Fourth Wall” of kids’ television shows. There are no children yelling out to him giving hints to him where the clues are; they’re just voices in his head of the many children that made fun of him of his wardrobe of the thousands of khakis and green striped shirts he has wearing through grade school.
This actually took effect on him before he was sent to the asylum. He actually bought a dog and called her “Blue”. Now this is at a time when he was perfectly sane. I think around the time when he became insane was that he was playing Clue by himself, thinking he’s got a bunch of friends over (the friends are actually pillows with pictures of the faces of Ben Stiller, Michael Jackson, The Marx Brothers, and The Three Stooges taped to them) because he was lonely and never had real friends. The thing was that he was repainting the living room blue and waited for the first coating to dry by playing Clue. As he was about to get some more Lays and Cheetos Puffs for Groucho Marx and Curly Howard, he accidentally tipped over the ladder, which had an open bucket of blue paint on top of it, and the can of paint spilled all over the floor, the game, Michael Jackson and his poor dog who was chewing on the purple piece again. This little incident made him so mad that he just went insane right off the bat. He shredded Moe Howard up for being called a stupid clumsy fool and cleaned up the mess. But now Clue is covered with blue paint and now he can’t play it anymore.
Now here comes the start of his game of insanity “Blues Clues”. He took his dog and painted her paws blue and pressed them on different items like couch pillows or some of his records. He would then find these clues and put them on his handy dandy notebook, which was just a stack of sticky notes. There was a thinking chair, but the regular thinking chair was just a chair that was used outside on his porch. He played Blues Clues daily, but then his loneliness strikes back as he misses his pillow friends (John Lennon got off to tour with his band after Chris Farley got back). He then thinks of an idea to make friends out of his salt shakers and named them Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper. The Mailbox was repainted into purple and started to talk to it when he receives new mail. He went to the discount store and bought a pail and shovel and then he glued some googly eyes and fuzzy wires on them. The gang was all there in his trashed out house, playing Blues Clues as a daily basis. Then there came to the time when Blue passed away thanks to Steve not feeding her. But that doesn’t mean she’s dead in his mind. He still thinks that Blue is alive in his mind at least, leaving clues all over the place and he’s trying to find out want Blue wants to do for the “episode”. Steve was also a big fan of Mario Party 8. This proves the "Skidoos" which Steve warps into a picture with Blue into a farm or a chalkboard background. The Wii was the only gaming system Steve had, while getting it was shoplifting it at Wal-Mart in a very great way to distract the workers that the garden is on fire, which was. The game that came with it was Mario Party 8 and he played it for days and days, during his sane state no less. When "Blue's Clues" came along he wanted to do the whole "jumping into a picture and travel whatever is in the picture" thing. Again this was all in Steve insane little head so he's not really walking around inside an Igloo somewhere in the middle of the North Pole, it's really taken place in the basement of his house. I'm not sure if Joey does the Skidoo since I wasn't into those new ones, as I just saw two episodes about imaginary plushie friends and another about soccer and those didn't have any Skidoos. So as far as I know, Joey never played a video game in his entire life nor even heard about Mario for that matter.
Neighbors were concerned when Steve was going through this for a month. Steve only went out once a day getting the mail, and by getting the mail I mean talking to the mail in which he painted a face on it. The usual mail was always unpaid bill warnings and junk mail but he always think that its kids sending him some pop-up videos on what they do for fun. In fact, forget the chatting; the neighbors were highly concerned about him going out the house and singing and dancing the mail song. This was when it was time that Steve needed some help. It wasn’t until when the authorities had to check out the house when Steve wasn’t paying his bills. They searched the place to find the dead, decaying body of Blue and the many trash and food on the floor, along with some bodily fluids. They find Steve playing Blues Clues in his bedroom, finding another clue on a picture of his ex-girlfriend, which is actually a picture of Britney Spears. This is when Steve gets sent to the looney bin.
The rest is pretty much well said. The show is pretty much Steve’s adventures in an insane asylum imagining Blues Clues and all of these other characters as well. Every episode is exactly what we’ve seen from Steve when he’s insane as fuck. Now you might be wondering why we are seeing the characters, background and stuff if he’s in a white padded room. Well there’s one thing I forgot to mention and that is that all of the twenty-four minute footage of Steve’s insane Blues Clues adventures were leaked by a special effects artist. This special effects artist did everything to make Blues Clues happen. Everything from Blue to the talking mailbox and to the handy dandy notebook; every single thing that happened that may seemed to be chroma keyed and animated was by that special effects artist. I'll also like to add that the clinic guards were at least nice enough to give Steve a notebook and a green crayon. He did draw but the camera wasn't in Steve's point of view so the special effects
guy, as we will nickname him "Jim Jonah James Jones", hired a double actor to draw the clues in a camera point of view. Now you’re wondering why this stuff was on Nick Jr. It’s simple that they wanted to find some kids shows and the special effects guy needed some quick cash. So the special effects guy made a deal with Nickelodeon and sold the entire “series” of Blues Clues to them.
So in short, Steve’s antics of the entire Blues Clues show is just Steve going insane. Now wait, I know what you’re thinking: What about Joey or the new guy? A well explanation I will give out to you. You see the last episode that had Steve in it was actually the time in which he came clean; there is no Blue, talking mailbox, ect. He was going to college as the show states but he requested to stay in the white room for one last day to re-look those memories with Blue and those other insane things. Then there comes Joey. The story of Joey before getting into Blues Clues is that he was an avid fan of the show when it first aired. He was so obsessed with it that at home he made his own Blues Clues by buying merchandise, pretending they are the real thing. He became so insane that he almost committed to kill his girlfriend for selling all of his Blues Clues stuff. Coincidently the day that Steve leaves Blues Clues was the same day that Joey goes on Blues Clues. Joey continues the show by himself, thus bastardizing the show which goes downhill. Hell I think that he’s even more insane when he was in this imaginary friend episode where he plays with a duck to which I may guess that it’s the dead corpse of one of the asylum guards that he killed and ate his arms, just dragging around and playing with it.
It’s a fact: Blues Clues is just a way to get people insane so they could act like the thing’s real in real life. Once you get hooked on that show, there’s no turning back. You just watch yourself or you too will be playing Blues Clues with a bunch of pillows.