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Jurassic Park was a Shame that Never Had Any Real DinosaoursEdit

With the exception of Jeff Goldblum's bare, oiled-up chaos chest, the big stars of Jurassic Park are obviously the dinosaurs. However, according to one oddly convincing fan theory, there has never been a single actual dinosaur in any Jurassic Park movie. The "dinosaurs" John Hammond, Samuel L. Jackson, and the bad guy from The Substitute 2 created weren't resurrected from ancient dino DNA -- they were actually brand new creatures cobbled together using DNA from non-extinct contemporary animals.

The whole "dinosaurs back from extinction!" thing was just a P.T. Barnum-esque stunt to fool gullible tourists.

The originator of this theory appears to be Redditor Brownra04, as far as we can track it down, and it goes like this: The entire premise of Jurassic Park centers around the idea that geneticists were able to extract dinosaur DNA from prehistoric mosquitoes trapped in fossilized chunks of tree sap, which is impossible, because DNA has a half-life and would have decayed beyond any possible use after 65 million years. Plus, there's no way you would find a mosquito who limited its blood intake to one particular species of dinosaur. There would be hundreds, if not thousands, of different DNA strands in each mosquito. Every DNA extraction would be like taking a cotton swab of a college freshman's bedsheets.

So, the only way for Jurassic Park to get its hands on any dinosaurs would be to have their geneticists build them from scratch, which would explain why all the dinosaurs in the movie look like how we, the ignorant public, imagine dinosaurs look, as opposed to how they actually appeared in nature. For instance, in real life, a velociraptor was the size of a chimpanzee, whereas in Jurassic Park, velociraptors are large enough to play professional basketball. Also, they had feathers. Mostdinosaurs probably had feathers.

And the dilophosaurus, the tiny, spitting monster with a technicolor neck frill, was 10 feet tall, and the fossil record provides zero evidence of poison loogies or flashy throat accessories.

We also know that the park's founder, John Hammond, built his fortune on selling people false realities: He gives an entire speech about how he started his career with a motorized flea circus designed to trick small children. In The Lost World, we learn that the lab where we saw the baby raptor hatchling in the first film was just a show for the tourists -- the majority of dinosaur hatching took place on an entirely different island, despite Hammond insisting to his guests that he had been present for every single birth. Furthermore, at one point Dr. Sattler notices that Jurassic Park is covered in extinct species of plants.

You can't clone a plant from mosquitoes encased in amber, so how the hell did they get there? The only explanation is that the plants are a complete genetic facsimile. Dr. Grant, Dr. Sattler, and Dr. Malcolm weren't brought to the park to determine whether or not it was safe for visitors -- they were brought to the park to determine whether or not it would be believable to visitors. Hammond figured if he could fool a paleontologist into thinking he was seeing dinosaurs, a paleobotanist into thinking she was seeing extinct plants, and a mathematician into believing that the science all added up, he could probably fool a bunch of Wall Street day traders and their families.

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